DISMANTLE WHARF

Normally at the end of a year, I think back on all the places I've been and all the things I've seen. This has been such a quiet year, so I've been thinking about measuring life/accomplishments differently. For example, I finally got into Tarkovsky and I became proficient at chess, two things I've always wanted to do but never felt I had the time for.

What did you learn this year that you're glad to have learned?

My biggest achievement, education wise, was remodeling our bathroom. What I initially though would be a simple 1 week case of "unhooking, replacing, and rehooking plumbing, wherein all I would have to learn is plumbing, ended up being so much more: Drywall, demo, electrical, replumbing, carpentry, floor tiling, etc...
It came out really well, and I only hired a guy to do one thing (tile bask splash). I now feel pretty confident doing other house stuff.

Can we please see the remodel, @Abe?

Wow, what a year. For myself, I’m really proud of the therapeutic work I’ve done in my life’s mental health journey: improving my emotional intelligence and regulation, managing symptoms of depression and anxiety, and better identifying underlying causes of stress. At the beginning of this year I wanted to work to increase my self esteem, and I worked hard to do that by building up respect for myself. So I will call that learning to love me more (cool art reference).

And in the spirit of learning, I’m closing out the year by listening to nonfiction podcasts and audiobooks about topics that interest me, such as psychology, astrophysics, and cephalopods! I’m especially looking forward to learning about the concept of modified gravity, which may be a way to understand black holes. And learning more about the way that squid and cuttlefish perceive light, color, etc to change their skin; for example it’s thought that they don’t see color the way we do, even though they can match to their environment.

I’ve just realized that Portland’s own Van Sant carries on the school of Tarkovsky, with the rich visuals and poetic storytelling. What do you think?

RCH wrote: ↑Fri Dec 11, 2020 1:16 pm Can we please see the remodel, @Abe?

You bet. The before picture doesn't show as much because I wasn't planning on doing as much. Once I put in the new sink and cabinet, Anna wanted me to swap out the lighting as well.
Before:

After:

This is a toughy, clag.
I feel good about having made yoga into a (somewhat) daily practice. I feel like, as a direct result, I am better at sitting straight and at breathing and at being calm and at winding myself down. I also got a little stronger. Just like biking to work every day, I started out making myself do it and now I (sometimes) miss it if I don't.
I think this board did a lot for me this year. I both ferment things and make beer bread regularly. Two loaves are in the oven as I type. Our threads bring me joy. What else could a person want in 2020?

It's so nice to make small changes in your life that contribute to your greater well-being. God knows we all need that. I felt that way after learning to meditate, like I'd downloaded some new software to defrag the ol' machine. We're all capable of change. I'm proud of you all!

I've been thinking about this prompt and haven't yet put my 2020 into words, maybe next week when I have some time off work I can reflect more fully. but today I literally thought of the exact same defrag metaphor. tapping into the dismantle hive mind!! like…some of the basic outline of my life is the same as a year ago (live in the same place and do the same job), but everything is mentally consolidated and rearranged in new ways and it feels like a lot of mental space has been cleared up. can't believe the idea of defragging is so poetic and sentimental to me right now…

For me it was nebulous. Nothing as concrete as a new hobby or big project, but lots of small shifts happened.

I haven't had a very homey-home for about a decade and this year we put some effort into making our new(ish) place feel more finished. For example, we haven't owned a toaster for years and now we do, more of the artwork is in frames, etc.

I guess I learned how to teach through a pandemic, and though there are some important things I can take from that I hope it fucking ends soon. I think I'm more open with students and learned how to reach out to them more proactively. I feel very bonded to them, despite the distance.

The other day I experienced a feeling I hadn’t felt in a long time, and it threw me. It was FOMO, I guess. One of the things I have liked about this year is our collective abandonment of striving and hustle culture—in 2019 I was deep in it, measuring myself against my peers and trying to be everywhere and do everything and at the same time missing out on so much of life. It’s been a comfort just to focus on small-radius existence and caring for my people for a year. I know it’ll still be a long time until we’re out of the woods, but I caught a glimpse of the old feeling the other day when some friends made a big-time professional announcement. I was happy for them but underneath I had this pang of, “oh god, have I been wasting my time?? Was everyone else just WORKING and making stuff while I’ve been gardening and watching movies??” I hated the way it made me feel! If we all end up back there after this it’ll be such a tragic waste.

I don't consider myself a "hustler" or part of hustle culture or even career-minded, but I've worked from 9-5 pretty much my entire adult life outside of college, and I guess I'll probably continue to do that for the foreseeable future.

Just paying the bills, ya know? So my days are sort of the same as before, except I'm not going into an office and I don't get to do fun things like go to techno parties or travel or meet up with friends at a bar.

I've just been focusing on exercising in the evenings, making more food than before, and trying to stay in touch with people. Feels like all I can really do outside of work.

I guess I also became an artist this year so that was exciting
https://alexmahan-artist.biz

Hmmm. I started the year pretty excited to finish my first complete sonata on the piano and had plans to host a recital at the house on my birthday (march 15). Instead that weekend was the first weekend of quarantine and I never totally cleaned up the sonata to performance level after all!

Maybe it was the year of learning not to do things?

I did get pretty tan and swam a lot. I guess most energy got channeled into home improvement projects. Walls came down, roofs went up, cabinets were added. I also smelled a lot of roses and made a smith island cake which has twelve layers.

@alexshred420, Ogre Torture was a highlight of early pandemic times for me! Keep it up!